Wednesday Words: Mixed Messages (are you guilty of sending them?)
Funny how an idea grows, isn’t it? I was reading a post over three years ago (!!!) that Sarah Elkins liked written by Jennifer Maddox. Her post was entitled “The Fruit Thief,” and at first blush, it might be tough for you to understand why that particular piece sparked this post of mine. But read what’s below from Jennifer’s post:
“…people are watching your actions closely to see if YOU believe your own words and if your words reconcile with your behavior.”
Here’s the deal: Jennifer’s post is about leaders leading by example, not by words. Words are cheap; actions are what most folks believe (if questioned).
And then I realized that it’s a slightly different spin on a topic I have always taught in my communication workshops, that of mixed messages.
A message is “mixed” when the words, the tone of voice, and the body language are not aligned.
And I saw this clearly in Jennifer’s post, as I’m sure you will.
So what do I mean by a mixed message? Well, let’s say you stop by your boss’s office and see she’s on the phone. You ask, obviously enough, “Is this a good time?” She responds, “Sure. I’ll be with you in a minute.”
And you’re thinking, “Yeah. No. She will not be. She’s totally focused on that conversation. She SAYS she has time, but I can see clearly she doesn’t.”
How do you know that? You watch her for a few seconds. She’s turned slightly away from you, focused on the call. She’s even taking notes.
You know what she said … and you know what her priority is right then. You believe what you see, not what she said.
But you’re the lucky one because you know the truth; her actions are what counts. So you walk away with a smile, and decide to return 10 minutes later to talk.
As leaders — actually, no matter what our title is — we need to be aware of what kind of messages we’re sending, which have an impact on how we’re perceived.
Here’s just one idea out of hundreds that might help:
Do just one thing at a time: In the example above, the boss was on the phone, gesturing to the person at the door to come on in. But with two competing needs for her attention, it’s likely that one of them would get shortchanged … probably the person at the door.
It’s important to recognize that while multi-tasking seems admirable, it’s less likely to produce the right result. If you’re on the phone, give an honest answer to the person who asks if it’s a good time. No. It isn’t. Maybe 15 minutes later will be.
What would you add to this? Have you experienced situations where the message was mixed / muddled? How did you deal with it?
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